Maybe...

Maybe

My problem is just my negative thoughts.

My problem is just i'm lazy.

My problem is just i don't want to talk.

My problem is just i'm not polite when i speak.

My problem is i'm unlovable.

My problem is i just can't embrace the positive sides i see behind the negative thoughts i have.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

They are coming home.

And am escaping myself from this zone.

This cloudy zone.

This empty zone.

This lonely zone.

When people ask me,

"How is ur preparation?"

I do my best to respond to them like everything is just fine.

While, the worry inside me is hanging me to death.

When people say,

"I hope your preparation is going well!"

They said that with excitement.

And i just hate myself who just got the excitement because people showed me theirs?

It's not that i'm not excited.

It's not am not anticipating for it.

It's just what i'm going through is very different from others.

How they respond to my impromptu actions.

How they respond to my initiatives to discuss.

I shared this with few friends, and they said, they would react the same like me if they're in my shoes too.

The thing about distance.

The thing about me.

Am not to blame anyone for this,
Am just tired to think,
What should i do?
Didn't i try?

Those questions i asked myself made me feel
I'm a failure
I'm useless
I'm bad