of me: prayers.

3 years ago, i remember, when i visited a friend, before she passed away, her last words to me were,

"do'a ya..."

her last words to me always make me miss her and feel near to death.

may Allah bless her.

and now, am in a situation.... which supposed to make me pray more and pray harder.

am so hopeless that i'm afraid to pray for this something.

i feel that i don't deserve this something.

am afraid of what might happen.

am scared.

afraid and scared to be hopeful, yet not letting it go.

and,

when people say,

"do'a banyak2..."

i feel sad... coz even to really pray for it, i feel hopeless.

am sorry to myself.

and when there's something challenging come in along this journey, i found that i'm really fragile to face it. 

and i'm searching for fragile something to get a hold; listening to songs.

yes, i know that i should pray more and harder.