I just don't get it...

12th Dec 2016

I know that my return without my little star means that i shouldn't plan to go anywhere.

Today, a brother told us in the group that he's using the car. If anyone needs it, just tell him. He'll return. Thus, i replied. I wanted to use it at 2 p.m.

When i was sewing my new dress to shorten it, another brother was hush hush and prepared to go somewhere too.

The car returned.

I asked the another brother: where are u going?

He said: i am following you..

Am just, okay.

I get ready.

Got into the car. I told him my plan i details.

He replied me. Harshly.

His words hurt me. I know. I have my little star and i didnt bring it back to the hometown. Thus, i shudnt go to anywhere. If i plan to go to anywhere, i shud bring my little star with me.

Therefore, i made a u turn at the roundabout.

He asked: where to?

I replied: home.

He, again was mad at me. He said he's trying to compromise. No. His words hurt me. And i know my fault. I didnt wanna add the pain i felt.

I waited at home for my parents. Was gonna borrow my father's mpv.

They arrived.

"Father, may i borrow ur car?"

He asked me a question.

I answered.

His reply surprised me.

"I just keep quiet coz u all are grown-ups. These cars are mine and nobody ever asked me for anything about them..."

I felt sad.

Thus, next time, with plans or not, i shud bring my little star with me. For it is mine. If my finance doesn't allow me to bring it back, i shudn't come back, i guess.

I also felt sad. Coz, in the morning, my girlcrush expressed her gratitude to me for my kindness.

U know what... those kindness others see in me, are nothing to me as long as my family doesn't see it that way.

And that is why am doing my best to be kind to other people. So that there are people who will remember my kindness when i die even though my family doesn't have my kindness in their memory.

I asked Allah, why is this so hard?
I asked Allah to give me patience.