Ramadhan 1438: day 5.

Went to the recycling centre...

39kg paper waste, we sent there.

Then....

Returned home. What did i do ea?

Facebooking. Whatsapping. Apologising.

Follow-ups. Got few names for tarbiyah follow-ups.

Keep on refreshing my mind. My heart.

Found something that made me uneasy at heart. For that uneasy feelings made me guilty, i just had to check my words and my actions. Did i say anything or did i do something that lead things to the 'something-made-me-uneasy'? After a check up, yes, i didn't say anything or did something. Still, heart is something difficult to control. Let's purify it in this Ramadhan.

An akhawat texted me. I felt guilty towards her before. Thus, i apologised. We shared some feelings. We gotta pray for each other. #feelingloved

I also apoogised to my housemate about her photo. I posted the photo in a whatsapp group of ladies only. Then, i didn't know that someone forwarded it to another more public group. I felt unease noticing that. Yet, only yesterday i got the sense of how wud my housemate feel? I feel bad again. I apologised to her. Next time, i gotta have it personally just with her. Not in just any group.

Of communication.
To communicate is difficult if only one party is making effort to deliver a message.
In my opinion, it is a failure in communication when there's only the sender in the process. The message is undelivered.
I hate this communication breakdown thingy.
Along with that, this is what making me be a failure at sending messages to others. Why? Because i was 'trained' to keep whatever i feel, anything i think inside me. It's a training unconcsciously when it becomes something you do in your daily life.

Of all those things we didn't share,
Of all those things we misunderstood each other,
I believe that they were or are the products of miscommunication.

Miscommunication is normal.

But, to keep on having the same problem without improving is wrong.

To improve, we need to acknowledge the mistakes. Not denying. Lower the ego inside us.

I feel bad.
I feel sad.
I don't know what to feel, when i think of hope.
Will i see the light, at the end of this journey? (What kind of ending would it be?)
Will i be trapped in this darkness forever?
We just need to say something,
We just need to listen to each other.
Will 'you' listen to me, in the future?

;(